What is someone supposed to do when their heart is split and you cannot choose one side over the other, but they cannot coexist? How do you know which to choose when the choice isn't even yours to begin with?
She folded her little note and gingerly stuck it between the cobblestones of the wall and was lead by Ryo back to the music-filled building.
After the ball in Ryo's friend's honor, he and Nasika rode back to his family's vacation home in Italy, and quickly fell to sleep. The next morning, Ryo had gotten up to make breakfast for the two, but to the shocking realization that Nasika wasn't there. "Nasika?" he sounded, searching. The lovely pink dress he had bought her lay where it had the night before, her casual clothes, ragged as they were, folded and tucked away within the drawers of her room amongst her other belongings. Not even her shoes were missing; they too remained dormant in their place. He looked at her soft traces and searched further still. Nothing more was found. And as he searched, nothing else remained of her on the grounds of the mansion.
Scared and alone, she sat, curled up, in the shadows of an alley, the oversized shirt she wore dirty and damp from rain. No matter what she did, neither her toes nor hands would warm and the shivers wouldn't stop for very long at all. With a look up out the alley and into the streets, she saw no names that she could recognize, and listening to the people pass by, she understood not a word. How had she gotten herself so miserably lost in a place so alien to her? She dared not think about the night before where she had wandered away from the bed's safe keep
Something struck her in a dream that she couldn't recall by the time her heavy head had risen from the pillow. The floor was cold beneath her bare feet as they tipped across the room and out the door. She knew where she needed to go, but at the time she was unsure why. Then a leap through time and she was along the cobblestone street, only visible in evenly spaced golden circles by what must have been street lamps. She was following something she couldn't see.
Next, she was beneath a balcony in between tall stone buildings, stars twinkling far above. Her legs were too weak to carry her any longer, so her body slumped against one wall. By the brim of her fingers gliding upon the stone, a sharp pain caught her attention and she reared her hand to her lips. Blood. Her body convulsed in memories, but she swallowed them down and focused what little foggy attention she had onto the source of the cuta small piece of paper nestled between two golden stones, no bigger than a candy wrapper. Her heart wrenched, realizing what it must be, but upon turning away that which she had tried so hard to bury within herself became blatant before her.
It disappeared again, turning from her into the shadows of another alley. The cold night air wisped across her face, stinging as if it carried with it tiny crystals of ice, sharpened to the like of jagged glass. The sky crashed above and illuminated the world just for a second in which she saw the traces her memory left at another turn. Without a single thought, she followed as swiftly as her body could clumsily carry, and at another flash of light, another abrupt turn she made to chase what has so easily been evading her. At each track, she went faster and faster until she was running with all her might, body numb and eyes stinging. A single slip and she fell into the mud, sliding as she propelled herself upward and forward.
Her lungs burned with the cold night's air and her bones no longer wanted to move with her, but she kept pushing herself forward until she couldn't any more, and even then, she tried to find a way past the wall that held her there, but no matter. He was gone. Gone. . . It was too much! It couldn't be possible! Sounds so vile, so wretched tore from her chest and out through her throat until her whole being shook violently and thrashed itself against the world, clawing and beating until blood spurt from her hands, and even that wouldn't suffice. Nothing would. Nothing could if she couldn't be with him.
. . . But the name she muttered for comfort was not the one she had expected.
Her hands still stung, coated in dried blood that she wouldn't dare look at, as she caressed each while gazing out from her hide-away at the people walking by outside the alley's keep. They didn't matter. None of them did. There were only two people in the world that mattered at that moment, and she had lost her way to both. "So If they cannot coexist," she whispered to her knees. "Then I cannot have either..? Is that your answer..?" The dried over tears became fresh once again, but this time she couldn't blame it on the rain.
She couldn't feel. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. Everything was white and everything was nothing. Then, within the nothing a muffled sound came to her ears. At first, she couldn't recognize any significance of it, and then something urgent in her being told her to follow that into her conscious. Faded, feeling came back to her foggily and shapes danced around her line of vision as the dizzying sound became clearer. It was a name... her name... being said in a sort of concerned panic by someone she knew.
"Ruh..." Her eyes were completely glazed over, face sopping in salty tears as her eyes wildly pered up at him. "Ryo!!" she squeeked and pressed her whole body into his with all her might, wrapping so tightly around him so that she couldn never loose him again. It was in that moment she realized something- what you want and what you need are two different things. Her body trembled and she burried her face against his chest, trying to sooth herself by the beating of his heart. He was here. He was here.
His black peacoat was wrapped warmly around her shoulders. Blinking her eyes until she could manage to see out of them, before her was Ryo's hand, outstretched. "Let's go somewhere, where it's just the two of us." She sniffled, choking back the tears that had no intention to stop, and took his hand fraily, but with all the little strength she had left in her. She clung to the last thing keeping her on ground.